So, my knees are bad and have been since college.  Actually, they are worse now, from age and carrying excess weight around.  It’s been hard for me as I’ve started to get back into shape.  Even walking is not easy on virtually any joint below the waist.  Running is pain like sharp knives in the sides of my knees, and that ignores the hips, ankles and feet.

At the encouragement of fellow Tulsan and local blogger, Jason Kearney, I’ve taken up cycling again.  It is hard on the seat, but (pause for snickering at the pun) easy on everything else.  I just took out my new bike last night and had probably the best hour of cardio I’ve had since college and maybe even my life.

I rode 12.5 miles in 1:08:01.  It was great.

So here are a few things I’ve learned in the last week or two and even just last night, just in case you’re interested.

1.  Get a real bike.  I took my old department store mountain bike in to have it checked, because I am contemplating a tour across Oklahoma in June and wanted to see if it was worth fixing.  Knobby tires produce drag, low handlebars will hurt your back, it’s extra heavy and you’ll have to spend about half of what a new bike costs, just to get it out of garage storage condition and into actual riding condition, which I think I pointed out wasn’t all that great to start with.  I got the bottom of the line hybrid from Trek and it is awesome in comparison.

2.  Get padded gloves and padded shorts.  The padded parts are where the weight of your body rests on the bike and they, ahem, need padding.  Just by the by, they make cargo shorts with a removable padded liner.  I took some spandex shorts to the dressing room to try on and the sales girl said, “So you have no problems wearing spandex?” and I flippantly replied, “It’s no big deal.  They’re just to ride in.”  Got to the dressing room, changed and perused the mirror.  “That’s a little bit bigger of a deal than I thought it was.” said I, looking at the 42 year old sagging body before me wrapped in tight Lycra, the image of which eerily resembled a misshapen sausage.  Hmmm.  “Did you say you had cargo shorts with padding?” “Sure.  They’re over here.”  “You are a great help.  Thank you ever so much.”

3.  Decent helmet.  Actually had an issue with this.  It may surprise some to find out that my head is apparently capable of swelling to an even larger size and, therefore, I needed to get a larger size helmet from the other store, because they had sold out of “gargantuan” where I was.  It has to fit.  It has to adjust easily while you ride.

4.  Don’t bring a Camelbak.  If you don’t know what that is, it’s a backpack for water with a tube that runs over your shoulder so you can easily drink.  They’re great for hiking, so you don’t have to carry stuff in your hands, but on a bike, you don’t have to weigh your back down when you can attach water bottles to the frame.  Just use water bottles.  Two’s plenty.

5.  When you run out of water or want something to eat, stop at a nearby store.  It’s not the Tour de France.  You can stop.

6.  Those cycling jerseys that they sell have nifty pockets in the back for you to carry your stuff.  You should have your ID in one of the pockets and your cell phone won’t kill ya, either.  Just in case.

7.  Before you take your first real ride, scope out a place to do it, and how you’ll get there.  Tulsa is full of trails.  Over 200 miles with more on the way.  Very good urban planning.  And they were full last night.  Lots of people using them.  Figure out where you want to park and where you want to ride before you load up.  This is assuming you don’t ride your bike to the trail.  The streets between my house and the trail are some of Tulsa’s busiest, so I drive to and from.

8.  When you go on your first ride, do less than you think you should.  I was planning on clipping off 4-5 miles and then turning around.  When I got to 6.5 out, I noticed that I didn’t feel bad at all. Shortly thereafter turned around just because I thought I should and found I was now heading south directly into a 10-15 mph headwind that Oklahoma enjoys.  I use the word “enjoy” ironically here. It was miserable for the first couple of miles back until I reached some cover to break the onslaught.

9.  Stretch before and after.  Of course, if you are like me, your back will stiffen up as you bend over in various positions trying to improve elasticity in your legs.  I have to stretch from my stretching.  Anyway, not stretching is more painful and causes you to be more likely to injure yourself.

10.  Hot bath or hot tub (jacuzzi) after.  The heat helps your muscles recover.

11.  Rest.  Don’t ride hard every day.  Take some time off for your body to recover.  (I have this from Jason Kearney, aforementioned cycling enthusiast and Tulsan).

12.  Finally, and once again from Jason, although it is more through Jason and from Lance Armstrong:  Spin a fast cadence.  That’s cycling enthusiast speak for “pedal faster.”  It means that you should run a gear that allows you minimum resistance for pedaling across whatever incline you are on at the moment.  This is actually huge.  If he hadn’t told me this, I would have exhausted myself in a couple of miles and probably hurt myself straining to push the bike, instead of letting the gears do the real work.

Anything else, anyone?

click logo for IVM article list

I really had not intention of starting up the IVM dialog again, but I found this video and it soooooo rocks what I’ve been saying about it.

It’s a total rip off of the PC v. Mac commercials, but it’s good.  And short.  Enjoy.

This is a total rip off (title and everything) from David Phillips, but I just couldn’t help it.

Seriously, these must be the worst dancers you have EVER seen.

Dear locks of mine,

I am so very grateful that you’ve chosen to remain faithful all these long years.

Though many of my friends’ manes have betrayed them, abandoning their crowns like rats from a sinking ship, you’ve stayed with me.

And there are so few albinos among you.

In spite of my metabolism grinding to a shuddering halt, my joints creaking and popping with gravel between the bones, my eyes no longer enjoying words near them but preferring text at arms length and my memory switching off and on in random fashion… yes, despite all of these decrepitudes, you still treat me as if I were a young man.

I am so very appreciative, it seems almost churlish to ask you this one favor.  But…

Would you please, if you could, stop sending missionaries to my back, nostrils, eyebrows and ear canals.

I really have no need for strands resembling the leg of a large spider to protrude from said body parts.

Though, after the way I treated you in the eighties, I suppose I should simply be grateful I have you at all.

I’ve had some bad experiences in the pulpit – I even preached a Disciple Now Rally with my fly down – but this one has never happened to me.  Yet.

Lord, I beg of You, great and awesome Father, PLEASE don’t let this ever happen to me!

Feel free to share your embarassing moment in the comments.  Anybody brave enough?

Otherwise known as Marty Duren before the barstool.  :)

I think he handles it well.

This is just funny.

Like make this video, for instance…

Aaahhh… A little Veggie Tales never hurt anyone.  Much.

Calvinists poking fun at themselves.  Who says that the Sovereign Grace crowd has no sense of humor?