I can go no further down the road of my responsibilities without stopping to spend time in prayer and meditation.  God has been faithful to me.  I must be dependent on Him.

I find that when I am not making myself depend on Him that He is making me depend on Him.  The latter is the more painful of the two that bring me to the same place.

And all things depend on Him.  He is trustworthy.  I can only live well in this life when I conform to this truth.

I waste time when I spend it on “responsibilities” to the detriment of time in prayer and meditation on God’s Word.  When the shallow consumes the eternal, there is little hope of joy or any spiritual success.

I am best able to handle everything the more I am conformed to the image of Christ.

In all things and in all ways I must pursue the image of Christ being revealed in me.

Grace is not just the soft comfort of God loving the broken.  That is a part of Grace, but not the whole of it.  Grace is also God denying us those things that we chase that are not Him.

Grace is God pursuing us in redemption to establish that relationship with Him for which He longs and for which we were created.

But the brokenness of us is often pursuing cheap substitutes.  We crave satisfaction but are only briefly numbed by infatuation with one relationship after another, chemical distortion of drugs and alcohol, sexual exploits that mock true intimacy, money and possessions that trick us into thinking that we are valuable or important or even cared for by those around us who really just want our stuff.

But God is gracious and will, in His mercy toward us, kill that cheap thing and rip it from our clutching hands so that we will realize the shallow nature of that which we’ve worshiped.  And so that we will turn to Him and find what we really need.  What will actually satisfy and in which we will find ourselves complete.

We find Him.

I have always been moved by the love and acceptance of others.  There are many reasons why, but for now let us just say that need for approval is just the way I’m broken. It numbed me, temporarily, to the reality that I was a mess.  I felt good about myself, for a minute.

So last year I found myself in the process of having that idol crushed and torn away.  When acceptance and adoration of others is your idol, the way God kills it, at least in my case, is public contempt by others.  A year ago, I faced several public meetings where people I cared about assaulted my character, my skills and my value.

The good news is that, though some of those relationships remain wounded, others were restored and our church experienced healing, unity and peace during this year.

The best news is that in God taking from me what I should not have worshiped, He replaced it with Himself.  In that, I have found myself in the greatest time of growth and peace in my walk with Him.  I’ve never been more close to Him than I am.  I’ve never loved Him more. I’ve never been more sure of His love for me.  I’ve never needed public adulation less.

And I owe it all to the hard Grace of public ridicule.  Thank God for His Grace.

I’ve had a few people I’ve known consider going into the ministry at one point in time or another.  A few things to consider as you discern your path.

• Obviously, be convinced God is leading you to this.  I’ve known people in ministry that God never called there, but they thought it would make a good career.  Aside from the bumps and bruises that you might avoid not being where you should be, you will actually be in the way of God’s work, since you will be attempting what you are doing on your own.
• If you are able to lay out a plan for higher education, get an undergraduate degree in something other than theology, ministry, Christian education, etc.  You can get your theological training in Seminary afterward and then you will be very broad in your knowledge and abilities.  It might come in handy one day when you are called to a mission filed, bi-vocational ministry or even if you are fired from your church.  Hey, it happens.  A lot.
• Tend to your personal spiritual growth.  Education is important, but it is no substitute for a deep walk with God.  Leadership of the Holy Spirit means more than your IQ ever will.
• Develop organizational skills.  You have to be organized to lead.
• Develop personal relationship skills.  You have to love people to lead.
• Develop thick skin.  You will be critiqued (fairly and unfairly) when you lead.
• Be the example.  You can’t ask others to do what you aren’t doing in giving, service, passion, discipleship, positive talk or friendship.
• Don’t let your failures get to you.  You will make mistakes and you will not be the shining example you want to be.  Confess and do better.  This is called growth.
• Don’t let people hold you or your family to unreasonable standards of perfection.  They aren’t the Judge. (But don’t take that whole, “Only God can judge me” thing as a license to be an idiot.)

Other thoughts?

The city of Tulsa has had a “Christmas Parade” downtown for about 70 years, put on privately.  Originally it was moved to downtown to attract business, or so I’ve been told.

Last year, the organizers changed the name to the “Holiday Parade” to be more inclusive.  I don’t remember a flap about it then, but we have one now. The publicity seemed to have taken off when Oklahoma Senator Jim Inhofe declined to participate as a form of protest over the name change. Since then, the situation has been mentioned by Conan O’Brian, John Stewart and Bill O’Reilly.  And by a few locals who have felt compelled to address the issue.

Earlier this week, the City Council approved the parade permit amidst a torrent of discussion.  The Tulsa World carries the story here.  You might also be interested in some of the other articles, including letters to the editor concerning the situation.

While I am obviously a Christian and not a participant in anything else the organizers are trying to include… my primary concern is with the behavior of people who have reacted negatively toward the move.

More specifically, I don’t think people calling themselves Christians should sin in defense of, well, of anything, much less the defense of a parade’s name.

If you don’t agree with the parade organizers, then you are free to say so.  If you don’t want to participate, then you are free to do something else with your time.

What you are not free to do is incriminate the Name of Christ by doing what He would not.  Be careful with your words.  People are listening.  Jesus said it is not what goes into a man’s mouth that defiles him, but what comes out.

Example:  I have a friend, a Christian, who works in a local business participating in the parade.  After the City Council meeting where the debate and subsequent permit approval vote was held, a woman attempting to represent Christ called the business where my friend works and berated him over this issue for ten minutes.  When he got off the phone, his coworkers told him that it was because of that kind of stuff that they didn’t want anything to do with being a Christian.

Bottom line:  Take every stand you feel you should, but do so in a way that Christ would, or have you to do so.

The day after my birthday, Friday, I spent some time in introspection and came up with a list of goals that I wanted to accomplish in my 45th year on the earth, if God is so gracious to leave me here that long.

I shared one of these goals that had been bouncing around in my head for a while with some friends last week and one of them replied, “It’s good to have goals.”  The unspoken phrase that followed in my mind:  It’s better to actually achieve them.  Or at least attempt to do so.

So here are my goals.

Spiritually

• Continue to grow in the practice of Spiritual Disciplines.  This is something that has been a point of growth for me over a couple of decades, but I have much farther to go, I feel.
• Take at least 2 Spiritual Retreats by myself.
• Explore the Spiritual Discipline of Silence.  I don’t know much about this and I can tell you that my mind is rarely quiet.  I want to study and begin to practice this.

Financially

• Eliminate (certain $ amount) of spending.
• Apply above described saved money to debts. For reasons I won’t enumerate, though likely obvious for those of my generation, we took on a lot of debt early in our lives and have been working our way out of it for years.  While we have made significant progress at times, I am frustrated with how slowly it is going.  I want to move faster.
• Give more to opportunities beyond my normal avenues.

Family

• 1 Vacation with just us this year. Typically our vacation is spent visiting extended family, which is a good thing.  Still, we need some time with just us together.
• Read more on marriage.  While I love my marriage and think it’s pretty awesome, everything is capable of being improved and I can do that best by improving me within our marriage.
• Date Bonnie more.  We’ve been dating quite a bit since our kids got older, but we need to do this more.
• 1 event (big, not small like an ice cream cone over 45 mins) per month with each child – just me and them.

Physically

• Eat better, lose weight.  Again.  My weight is like a yo-yo and I struggle with it.  I need to get better control of it.
• Continue to exercise regularly.  I’ve joined a gym for $10 a month and have been working out there.  Got to keep going.
• Start running triathlons.  I know.  That sounds crazy, especially for a person struggling with their weight.  But it features running, swimming and cycling and variety keeps me engaged.  Also, I am not running Iron Man level triathlons.  Whenever people hear that word, they think of Hawaii and the Iron Man they do there.  That’s for elite athletes.  They have much smaller events (sprint triathlons) that are manageable for beginners.  Still, this is likely to be the most demanding goal on the board.

I have a few other thoughts about lifestyle issues.  I intend to read more, take more pictures, paint more, write more, etc. but they aren’t goals, so… I’ll just stick them here at the end.

It’s my birthday, and I’m 44.  According to the Insurance Actuarial Tables, I’m probably more than halfway through.

That just sounds depressing.  Especially if you are older than me.  Sorry.

Let’s look at it another way…  About half of my life thus far was spent just learning the basics, let’s say to my early 20′s.  After that, I’ve been in adult life graduate school, learning the more intricate things that I need to know.

That means that probably have 2/3 of my adult life left (let’s hope and pray) and I’ve learned a lot of good stuff on the way.  Here are a few lessons off the top of my head as I write this the night before.

• Life’s not easy, but that doesn’t mean it’s bad.  Sometimes the hard things make life easier later on.  I could never have dealt with some of the things I deal with now on a regular basis, had I not been through what I thought was horrible earlier in life.  Now I think I was a wimp before.  Which I probably was.
• Marriage is cool.  Be sure you get the right one.  It’s hard at first for everyone.  It gets easier if you just have one rule:  Nobody gets out alive.  That’s actually in the vows, if you look them up.  If you know that you are in it for the long haul, you work hard to make it better.  Go to counseling if you need it.  We did and it made an enormous difference for the better.  And remember that your family is the most important thing you are responsible for in this life (I’m including taking care of yourself in this sentence on the family).  If you don’t take care of that, what point is the rest of it?
• Do what you love, if you can make a living at it.  If you can’t, then do what is helpful and do your best to love it.  It’s easier to do a job that you love and wretched to do what you hate.  A lot of the attitude you bring to the job is up to you, though.  Be positive in your mind about it, but if you just can’t do that then find something else as quick as possible so that you and everyone around you aren’t miserable.
• Argue less.  A lot of things I used to think were life and death aren’t even close.  Most stuff that we get upset about isn’t worth the energy of being disconcerted and probably, if we are honest, we don’t have a right to be angry about it.  Let it go, if you can.  If not, deal with people in a way that brings reconciliation.  Don’t dump people if you can help it.  It’s probably a mistake to cut them out of your life.  Unless it’s not, in which case you should choose carefully who influences you.
• Have a hobby.  Have twelve.  You need something to enjoy and accomplish that isn’t tied to work or making ends meet.  Consuming media (tv, music, internet, etc.) is not a hobby – it’s a pastime.  You accomplish nothing and get no sense of self worth from it, nor do you get to be creative and do things without limits from others.  You need creative, accomplishy sorts of things and lots of them.  My list of hobbies (some I am doing more than others) are:  cycling, exercising at the gym (I know, don’t laugh), frisbee golf, golf, photography, guitar, water color painting…  I’m sure there’s more.  Oh, yeah.  Writing.
• Be outside more.  I had become accustomed to air conditioned office life and the heat was not fun.  Then, last summer, I started doing a lot of outdoor activities and my body adjusted to the heat.  It was awesome.  I loved it.  Outdoors is way more cool than indoors.  WAAAAAYYY more cool.  In the “hip” sense of cool, not the temperature sense.  You probably knew that.
• Take care of your body.  It declines quickly and the more you ignore it early, the harder it gets later.  A 50 year old that has been fit all his/her life is in much better shape than the 50 year old that got in shape in his/her mid forties.  I learned this the hard way.  I’ve got so many things deteriorating on my body, it’s silly.  One of my biggest regrets is not staying shape.  I used to be in shape. Then I got married.  I did marry the right one.  The one I married is an awesome cook.  I quit even trying to burn off anything I consumed.  18 years later (the day after Christmas is 18 years), one of my hobbies is working out at the gym.  Ugh.

That’s all I can think of at the moment.  Any you’d like to add?  Feel free.

I had a church member say something last year that was quite profound:

“Expectations are premeditated anger.”

It’s true, though I would modify it to say that expectations are premeditated frustration and division.  Anger is also an option.

Are expectations wrong?  No.  Some expectations are necessary, such as the expectation that your children will grow in maturity and take on more and more responsibility.  This is, most times, a healthy expression of expectation being placed on people around you.

On the other hand, unhealthy expectations are that described premeditated source of anger, frustration and division.  What are unhealthy expectations?

I would say that, mostly, they stem from prideful arrogance, though we rarely see them that way.  But what else can you call it when you anticipate that those around you will do things the way you want them done without first evaluating whether or not the way you want them done is anything other than your personal preference?

I suppose the final modification to the saying would result in this, “Expectations stemming from unevaluated personal preference are premeditated anger, frustration and division.”

Doesn’t roll off the tongue as easily, does it?  Still…

Some things for which I am grateful:

• My family (obviously).
• Our home.
• Relatively good health in spite of my failure to take care of my body the way I should.
• The Aggies turning around their football fortunes.
• Honeybaked ham.  Seriously.  Have you had it?  It’s like meat-candy.
• My wife’s willingness to let me get a Honeybaked Ham every Thanksgiving.
• Our dogs, which are pretty lovable and behave reasonably well.
• Our church, which has seen some hard times lately, but which I love.
• That my kids still talk to me after I embarrass them, which is frequently.

Any you’d like to add?

Having yo-yo’ed my weight over the last four years in an attempt to get back into shape, I found this article very interesting.

Nutrition prof sheds 27 pounds on Twinkie diet – Chicago Tribune.

A few things to note:

• The professor isn’t recommending this diet, just observing the effects of calorie reduction.
• Not only did he lose weight, but his body chemistry (LDL, HDL, Triglycerides) all improved on the junk food.
• Exercise wasn’t mentioned.  It’s all about the intake of calories.

I’m sure the professor would encourage exercise as a part of everyone’s overall health.  It’s just that he studies nutrition, so that’s what he measured and reported.

The bottom line, though… Stop eating so much.

Where’d I put those Twinkies?

My friend Cole Hedgecock posted an article detailing the causes of PK’s (Preacher’s Kids for all you non-churchy folks) leaving the church when they become adults.  Fascinating stuff, you can read it at his blog, Colemine Extractions: Why PK’s leave the church.

There’s a lot there, but I think you can reduce it all into the ability to make the home of the Pastor a “normal” one.  Where the experience of growing up at the center of the church’s perspective is not all that different from being the “average” kid in the church.

Here are some things we’ve tried to do in order to make sure our kids are as close to normal as possible.

1. Make sure that you don’t ask your kids to be “perfect.”  Pastors are often times perfectionists (typically first borns) and they can be demanding.  Don’t be unrealistic.
2. Be honest about your spiritual ups and downs.  They have them.  If they know you have them, they know it’s “normal” and don’t feel like they can’t live up to your seemingly abnormal spirituality.
3. Be good talkers and listeners.  All parents need to be good listeners, but you need it more.  If you notice that your kid is not telling you something, then gently work harder to build the trust that allows them to talk about it.  And when they tell you something that sends you reeling, don’t freak out or it’s the last thing you’ll hear from them until they’ve made some huge mistakes.
4. Communicate to the church that your kids don’t have special expectations from you and that you are telling them that they don’t have to live up to anyone’s special expectations from the church.  The church needs to expect the same from them as they do from the next kid in the Youth Group.
5. Be there.  It is a must that your job is not 40 hrs/week and that you are always on call, however… you must lock out  time to coach their little league or soccer teams.  Attend their extra curricular events.  Take pictures while you are there and put them all over Facebook or Flickr.  Let them see that you value them.  If they know that you value the church over them by always being at meetings and other responsibilities instead of their things, you can expect that they will resent it.  Your first responsibility as pastor is to pastor your family.  The church has to accept this as well.  Not all churches do.  If they don’t, perhaps they aren’t the church for you.
6. Laugh.  A lot.  We keep running jokes in our house and celebrate our kids’ senses of humor.  Nothing feels good like fun and a fun family is cherished, not resented.

Those are a few of my thoughts.  Anything you’d like to add?