Been a while since I’ve written here, which is kind of stupid since I pay for the privilege of hosting my own domain.  That’s money poorly spent, if I’m not using the website.

Fascinatingly, I’ve still had a steady flow of traffic, which seems to be coming from search engine hits of previous writings.  I wonder if these random readers wonder where I’ve gone.

Whether or not you feel that I owe you an explanation, I’ll go ahead give you one.  If you aren’t interested, feel free to stop reading and I hope you look for me another day.  Whereupon, I hope that you find me, since that will mean that we are both well because I am writing and you are reading which means that we both are capable of doing these things and both have disposable time on our hands.  And that’s a good thing.

Lots of reasons for me not writing.  Some are simple, like: I’ve been a bit busy, I’ve used my free time differently and I was tired of blogging.

Other reasons are more complex, like: my creativity was lacking, I’ve not been inspired and I’ve had some difficulties at church.

The last one is really the main one.  Without going further than I ought, I’ll just say that my stress level has been up as we’ve implemented some Missionally oriented changes at our church to mixed reviews.  Added to that, I didn’t want people reading into anything I wrote and I had some who actually did that, so I quit writing.

Right response?  Maybe.

Given my passion levels at the time, I’d probably do it again.

Suffice it, then, to say that I’m feeling a bit more passionate and less stressed.  I’m not sure that “all is well” in my church, but is there ever a time in any church when that happens?

I’ve determined to put my head down and work toward the really good stuff that is happening and to allow my thoughts to grace the electronic billboard that is the Internet once again.

God help us all.

Really. ;)

Yesterday, I wrote an article on forgiving others that was spurred by a conversation with a good friend.  The conclusion of that article suggested that it is simply more relaxing and enjoyable for you to forgive than to do anything else.

This conclusion, though, begs the question, “When I forgive, does everything go back to the way it was?”

The answer is, “No. Never. Never in a million years.”  But more on that in a moment.

We first must differentiate between forgiving and reconciling, which is fairly easy to do.

To Forgive is something you can do with or without the offending party’s participation.  Forgiveness is completely within your grasp.  Nothing but you can stop you from forgiving.

To Reconcile is something that you both must do.  It is the restoration of love, trust and friendship.  To reconcile you must be able to accept your failures, their failures and whatever offenses have been (usually this goes both ways) have got to be made right.  Either you or they make reparations for the offense(s) or they are intentionally forgiven by the offended party.

To reconcile, both parties must be mutually satisfied with the restoration.

Which brings us back to the question of whether or not things go back to the way they were, and my answer: No. Never. Never in a million years.

Whether or not you simply choose to forgive or are able to reconcile, you are never the same.

Forgiving instead of reconciling implies the offender hasn’t made things right, which means they haven’t earned back our trust.  That relationship is never the same.

I have numerous relationships with people that I have forgiven, that are congenial and friendly, but I don’t trust them anymore.  I give us all the gift of forgiveness so that things aren’t tense or mean spirited.  That doesn’t mean that I am open to being taken advantage of repeatedly.

When you reconcile, on the other hand, things are never the same again either… they’re better.  Like the schoolyard fight between children, we can shake hands and become best friends afterward.  It takes us to a new level that is not possible without us both being honest, accepting our responsibilities and doing whatever we can to make right what we’ve done wrong.

Just by the way, Jesus (and the rest of the Bible) encourages reconciliation.  Forgiveness is the second best option and only when the other person won’t participate.

I suppose that the key to being able to forgive just might lie in the ability of the wounded party to understand what pardon brings to them.

It’s human nature to nurse a grudge and it just feels good.  For a while.  I always enjoy that (self)righteous feeling of the moral high ground.  Too bad, I suppose, that it’s just an illusion.

No matter how innocent I am within the dynamics of any particular situation, the truth is that I am just as capable… just as guilty… of taking advantage.  Twisting the truth.  Improving my own situation at the expense of others.

There is no moral high ground within humanity.  We are all quite wicked.

Still, this is not the most important mental gateway to forgiveness.  Rather, that would be the realization that failing to absolve another only enslaves you.  For the most part, the object of your wrath will be ignorant of your opinion, but even if they are not, they are most capable of creating their own Moral Mountain on which to stand, matching your viewpoint with an equal opposite.

And yet, even that pales in comparison to the impact dispensing clemency has on you.  It is liberating.

A grievance is a burden.  Feels great for a while, but after that brief moment of self delusion wherein you have some sort of unassailable virtue, your rancor begins to exhaust you.

Every time you see your offender, you are right back in the prison of a self generated unpleasant mood.  Every time you think about them, you are oppressed by this obligation to anger.

And you don’t have to bear it.  It is completely up to you whether or not you continue in your animosity.

Only don’t suppose that I suffer from the misconception that mercy is an easy thing to dispense.  Just because it’s good for you, doesn’t mean we like it.  Still, it is medicine for the soul, no matter how difficult it is to swallow.

To sum up:  Let it go.  It’s exhausting to play “King of Moral Mountain” and it’s a comfort to be happy instead, so do it because it makes your own life better, not to mention that it improves the lives of those around you – maybe even your nemesis.

Before I get to the steps, let me hasten to say that they are not original to me, but I heard them in a recorded sermon almost 20 years ago.  You might note, then, they were quite memorable.  Sadly, I can’t remember the pastor who preached the sermon, so as much credit as I can give, I have given…

1.  Surrender to obedience.  You might note that the title of this post is NOT 3 easy steps to knowing and doing God’s will.  There are not many things more difficult that to surrender to obedience for the human will, but to know and do God’s will, it is essential that you agree to do whatever it is God tells you to do.

We can not expect that God is going to gently guide us through life if we are consistently rebellious to His direction.

2.  Seek diligently.  Frequently.  Constantly.  Ask God to reveal what He wants you to do.  God is not capricious and does not hide from those who seek Him.  If you tune your heart to Him, He will reveal Himself to you.

3.  Relax.  If you surrender to do what God asks you to do no matter what it is and you consistently pursue the leadership – He will get you where He wants you to go.

It’s not complex.  It’s just not easy.

I drove home from Church Sunday after worshiping together with the Skelly Drive family for the first time in two weeks.  A blizzard had hit and knocked us out of our Christmas Eve service and later the Sunday morning service on the 27th.  The latter service being canceled kept everyone from being together, though our family had crept out of town on snow and ice covered roads to go with family to ski in New Mexico.

The crowd was down and I imagine that it had to do with people traveling and the fact that our roads were still a bit sketchy and we had another small bout of snow the night before.  It was good to be with my church family.

Still, as I drove home the powdered snow moved like vapor down the road before me and the city had a desolate look about it.  The dregs of the blizzard had been shoved to the side of the streets, building 2 foot high curbs of crusty slush now gray with dirt and exhaust and very few were out and about.

As I drove, I was mesmerized by the ebb and flow of the snow dust that swirled on the road before me, being chased by the wind that came from behind, it created a surreal vision.

There are so many things that are swirling through our church and my life right now, that the scene before me took on a deeper representation for me.

Curious to few, then, that I had felt led to preach on Matthew 11:25-30 just a few moments previous.  God’s like that.  Knows what you need before you have the slightest idea.

The Scripture?  You might recognize the closing words:

Come to Me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. All of you, take up My yoke and learn from Me, because I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for yourselves. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.

I still feel a bit overwhelmed by it all, but I am so grateful that the success of all that swirls around me is not dependent on me, but upon the One Who Is Author of all things, simple and complex.

More to come soon…

Has it really been 2 1/2 weeks since I last posted? And that just a video link?

Hmm…

Well, I haven’t lost my passion for writing.  Far from it.  I really miss it.

But I have been consumed with a fascinating task – that of leading my church through a major transition.

I plan on blogging this as well – particularly the specifics of the form to which we aspire – since I think it will be relevant for the majority of those who still drop in on this blog.

The transition?  From a Sunday School/Program primary structure to a Small Group/Corporate Worship primary structure.  Which is to say that we will still have some Sunday School and some programs, but they will be secondary in the self perception, intentionality and processes of who we are.  We are looking to change our DNA.

This is opposed, you might surmise, to simply adding Small Groups as yet another program to the church in hopes that this program will be the one that revitalizes a flailing church.

Well, again, I’m going to blogging about that in the future, and it is my great passion to do so, but I haven’t had the time.  My energies have been dissipated in the various tasks involved in actually doing that thing.

PS – You could pray for us.  It is difficult to accomplish such a change and we are laboring to do a great work.  Thanks!

A while ago, I posted a great video as pt. 1 of a Missional Conversation between Ed Stetzer and David Fitch, but I never saw the follow up videos.

I found them today and wanted to share, so here are all of them:

Ed Stetzer & David Fitch – a missional conversation from Missional Tribe on Vimeo.

Pt 2:

Pt. 3

Enjoy!!!

I’m really excited about Doug Baker coming to Oklahoma and manning the helm of our state’s Baptist Paper.  Once disregarded by me as a “newsletter” full of the latest “get on the bus” propaganda, Baker brings credibility and an unflinching resolve to The Baptist Messenger, allowing him to take on the real issues facing churches.

Exemplifying that, The Messenger has launched a podcast and from Union University’s conference on the future of denominationalism from earlier this month, Baker takes on understanding the Emergent/Emerging church in his second podcast – Emerging Southern Baptists: The ECM comes to Nashville.

Excellent voices in an exceptional forum.

In speaking of Missional churches, Dr. Mark Devine cuts through to the heart of much that we are working through at Skelly:

Increasingly we live in a nation that is made up of multiple subcultures, and that matters because culture affects meaning.  Now if you pick me up and you drop me into Bangkok, Thailand, you don’t have to tell me that culture matters in the conveyance of meaning, but lesser cultural discontinuities can be traversed here in our own world: crossing the street, crossing town.

And they matter because it changes – it undercuts our ability to anticipate the meaning that will be conveyed when we speak and when we act in certain ways.  And so given that, any who want to see the Gospel advanced must take that into consideration and begin thinking like missionaries here at home (emphasis mine) in ways that, for example, Southern Baptists have been thinking for decades overseas.

Yes, churches are not – they may not behave in a Missional way if they do not realize that this changing cultural context is part of the explanation for why they’re having difficulty growing why they’re having difficulty retaining their own children when they turn 17, 18 years of age.

Because these subcultures we’re dealing with are not just geographical.  There are subcultures that involve communities and networks that people can inhabit.  It causes the generational friction and difficulties to come upon us quicker and with more tangible results in terms of just communicating what we mean to people.

In a followup question asking Dr. Devine to differentiate between Missional and Attractional churches, he had this to say:

Attractional churches focus disproportionate amount of their energies on what goes on inside their church buildings or on their campus – the programs, the worship services, the various groups that meet, recreation, sports, whatever it might be – and then they advertise using various means to woo people, both unchurched believers and unbelievers, into that realm.

And so once they cross the threshold of that ministry setting, that church, much of the work of church growth is done because those that they want to attract will find themselves being helped by these ministries and so forth, and they will stay and they will stick.

Part of what the Emerging Church is saying is that, increasingly, those that we want to reach cannot be reached that way.  They need to be reached where they work, where they play, where they study and where they live.  And they have to be reached by actual people in context where they can gain trust and communicate with each other.

Missional Churches will do a variety of things to shift much of their energies outside the worship service.  It’s not as though that’s not important or that does not mater to them, but it’s that to reach this new population that’s out there we have to start putting energy in those places.  So they may have house churches, they may have small groups within their neighborhoods – not just to penetrate those neighborhoods with the Gospel but to allow for community to develop there.

So, as you can imagine, this kind of understanding – it expects and requires that all believers know themselves to be Missionaries appointed by Jesus Christ and that involves a burden of a new kind of equipping for them to go out.  It also requires a greater or at least a different kind of investment in the evangelistic task.  Because now we know that in order to convey meanings, it often requires more time. … They don’t understand what we mean when we just whip out a tract and hit them with language that they really have no cultural linguistic worldview handles to use to make sense of what we’re saying.

Really good stuff here folks.  Go check it out.

Last week my baby daughter – the pink princess – turned 13.  She’s been moving too quickly toward this date for some time, but there is no help for it now.  Both my kids are teenagers.

Serving for 19+ years in Youth Ministry kept me younger and more able to relate, but that only goes so far.  It’s like saying I’m the Limburger Cheese that stinks the least.

Nevertheless, I have adopted a particularly uncool behavior to my relationships with each of my kids:  I tell them I love them.  All the time.  In public. While they are with their friends. While they are getting out of the car on the occasion that I drop them off.  All the time and in every place we happen to be.

And they don’t disappoint.  In typical teenaged fashion, they bow their heads and move along as quickly and quietly as they can to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune and the occasional snicker from their friends.

I know a few parents who might choose not to say this to them because it is clear they are embarrassed.  The kids might even request it, which is a wound suffered deeply, no doubt.

Another slight is experienced by the parent that expects a return promise of fidelity. The “I love you, too” that doesn’t come and whose absence hangs like an offensive odor before the parent now left alone to endure it.

I don’t care.  It doesn’t bother me one bit that they are embarrassed or that they don’t return my expression of affection.

I tell them “I love you” against their will and without any concern for reciprocation because I say it for them.  They need to hear it from me and they need to hear it often.  Who they are is greatly shaped by the confidence they are cared for and accepted, especially from their parents and especially in their teens.

So I give that affirmation to them even when they don’t give it back and I am the “uncool” Dad.  I can be that, if they will be whole.  Easy trade.

Sorry, Jimmy and Hannah.  You are going to be openly loved and hugged and cheered for and claimed.  I am unashamed.  It may not be what you want, but I am sure it is what you need. So just take your medicine and I’ll check you again when you’re 20 or so.

Oh, and I love you.  Always will.