In this issue: canned fast food, street shoot outs in the (suburban) hood, killer dolls (does Chuckie live?), interesting vids, spyglasses, you have to keep your junk mail, how to dial a phone, 3D Google Earth, High Tech ahead of its time, Wal-Mart exposed and a nice but not too bright dog.

Just in case of nuclear war, and you need a fast food fix: The Canned Cheeseburger

Apparently, Orange County Florida is the Wild West. (extra gooey: it happened as a guy dropped his kids off at school)

Could Elmo be possessed? Kid’s doll is making death threats…

You just gotta see what Adie Russell does with historical recordings.

Think Geek has some sunglasses that are also a 1.3 mega pixel camera. (extra gooey: they also have built in ear buds so you can still catch your tunes - could be used with the laderhosen. hmmm.)

If UMG sends you a promotional cd that you didn’t want or ask to receive and you throw it away, they claim you are breaking Federal Copyright Laws.

If you think my tech talks are rudimentary, wait until you see the ones your parents got.

Did you know you can “Flickrize” Google Earth?

Check out the working “Difference Engine” - a design for a massive mechanical calculator that was WAAAAAAAAYYYYYY before its time and never built by it’s designer. (A bit of a modern day DaVinci, it would seem.)

Mad at Wal-Mart for ruining the small town economy? Get your pennies together and share with your neighbors to buy their candid closed door meeting videos at about $250/hour plus fees for research and copies of pertinent video. (extra gooey: one vid has Sam Walton telling the Board of Directors that there were not enough women in management, circa 1988) [No wonder the IMBOT doesn't want their meetings recorded - Art]

Finally, if you’ve had a long week, take solace in the fact that you are smarter than this dog:

This isn’t my pic, but I thought it was hilarious. Apparently, technology has caught up with certain makers of Laderhosen, where they have installed iPod controls in the pants leg. Fun.

Check out the full story here:

IFA2007: Fingers-On with the MP3 Lederhosen and Hunting Jacket

Or you can catch a few of my pictures on my photoblog.

Well, well, Bill Raines, the Asst. DOM here in Tulsa Metro has waltzed out of here with the championship. Bill was in the hunt through the middle, but sealed the deal by picking the champs: The KU Jayhawks.

Congrats, also, to Luke Holmes on a second place finish and to Bill Hulse on coming in third.

Now… get back to work, huh?

This is different than the Link Load I offered you earlier in the week in that here, you get commentary on “news articles” and not just links to blog articles and interesting sites. Just so you know.

San Jose Mercury News - Sunnyvale homeowners told to cut redwoods that block solar panels

…or… Environmental Activism goes schizophrenic in California, are you surprised?

The Mercury News reports that active environmentalists are in a spat about which one is doing the best for the environment to the detriment of the other.

Make no mistake, there is something in it for everyone. The tree owners want their redwoods and their privacy, while the solar energy proponent wants the savings his arrays provide.

In case you’re wondering if it is worth it to click the article link, here is the silliest sentence in the article:

Kurt Newick, who sells solar systems for a San Jose company, says he loves trees as much as anyone, but he falls on the side of solar energy.

Couldn’t have anything to do with the fact that he makes a living off of solar energy, could it?

By the by… If the San Jose Mercury News wants you to input your info to see the article, try inputting this:

email: dont@bugme.com password: bugmenot1

You’re welcome.

Bug Foggers cause house explosion

Hey, you just can’t make that kind of thing up. It turns out that reading the label on the can would have pointed out that pilot lights would need to be out. That and not setting off SIX cans of the stuff simultaneously. Just how bad could the bugs have been? If they were that bad, wouldn’t you just be better off setting fire to the joint and then starting over? Hey…

Is Dobson’s political clout fading?

Time magazine asks the question as Focus on the Family gets close to endorsing a cadidate - once a necessity for a Republican in America. The article delves into the mix of Mormonism and Evangelicalism as Romney and Huckabee vie for evangelical favor.

Dobson seems to hold Romney out as a possibility and to hold off on Ordained Baptist Minister Mike Huckabee, who once would have been the “no brainer” candidate for Focus on the Family. The difficulty, it would appear, is that Dobson doesn’t want to back a loser:

Huckabee, Dobson cautioned after his Iowa victory, “may not become the Republican nominee.”

Well, Dr. D needs to figure out what Rush Limbaugh tauted years ago. It is not that he sways the masses, but speaks what is on the mind of the masses. If Dobson thinks he can endorse Mitt Romney and expect that Evangelicals in America will vote for him, he is in for the shock of his life. Instead, he will find himself drifting on a sinking dingy, looking back at the masses on the shoreline shaking their heads and wondering what happened to that guy of which they once thought so much.

Reminds me of the Southern Baptist Convention. But that’s a story 1 year, 2 years and 20 years old.

Kite to pull ship across Atlantic

This seems vaguely familiar. Didn’t we replace sailing ships with motorized ships for cargo use? Are we saying that might have been a mistake?

Not dead yet, Chilean man wakes up at his own wake

Is this good or bad? I might rather be in Heaven, if I were him. Nevertheless… I suppose this means they don’t embalm in Chile. Again, a positive if you are just cold and sleeping. And thirsty.

Actually, this would better be titled: The dangers of an uncritical mind. Just a thought.

This has been in the meta for at least a little while, so I have no idea where to attribute it beyond the Cincinnati Enquirer. Nevertheless, enjoy.

The Dangers of Bread— A recent Cincinnati Enquirer headline read, “Smell of baked bread may be health hazard.” The article went on to describe the dangers of the smell of baking bread. The main danger, apparently, is that the organic components of this aroma may break down ozone (I’m not making this stuff up). I was horrified. When are we going to do something about bread-induced global warming? Sure, we attack tobacco companies, but when is the government going to go after Big Bread? Well, I’ve done a little research, and what I’ve discovered should make anyone think twice….

1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread eaters.
2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.
3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever and influenza ravaged whole nations.
4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.
5. Bread is made from a substance called “dough.” It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!
6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low occurrence of cancer, Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s disease and osteoporosis.
7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after only two days.
8. Bread is often a “gateway” food item, leading the user to “harder” items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter and even cold cuts.
9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.
10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.
11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.
12. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

In light of these frightening statistics, we propose the following bread restrictions:

1. No sale of bread to minors.
2. No advertising of bread within 1000 feet of a school.
3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.
4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.
5. A $4.2 zillion fine on the three biggest bread manufacturers.

It is time to own up to the final standings of the BFL.

Without furthur ado, here they are (the team highlighted in blue is me: The Ramblin’ Wreckers)

That’s Paul Littleton at the top of the heap: The Emergiants.

What is not seen is that Paul and I played in the first round of the playoffs. My QB, Peyton Manning, had such an incredible first half (48 points, or thereabouts) that they sat him in the second half to protect him for the actual playoffs. Paul beat me by 5.9 points in that round, sending me to the losers’ bracket. I did happen to check the scores of all the teams in the following weeks. I blew them all out across the board in the next two weeks ( I dropped Peyton, since he wasn’t playing and had some receivers and running backs go nuts). Thus, if I had beaten Paul on that day… If I had just had 6 more points… I would have won it all, instead of being champ of the losers’ bracket. Alas. That is why they play the games. Lesson learned. Next time draft Tom Brady. They play the whole game every game in their maniacal pursuit of perfection.

Congrats to Paul, who gets a Starbucks gift card.

Feel free to talk your smack now…

Facing a massive ice storm, trees and telephone poles falling all around us, power lines in the street and many without electricity - the postman is still making his rounds.

How does the old slogan go?

I … err… just HATE to say it … but …

I told you so: A thin slice of perspective on the College Football weekend past…

Kansas, going against a good looking Mizzou squad, also could easily have won their game. Replays of the interception at the goal line show that there were two very open Jayhawk receivers streaking in parallel to the intended receiver, but they were ignored. Instead of an interception, that could have, and should have, been a TD. On top of that, the first quarter also held not one but TWO easily makable Jayhawk field goals that were not converted. Combine those 16 points early in the game and not only would it make up the difference in the score overall, but it would have shifted the entire process of the game. Kansas isn’t the team that is pressing, but Missouri is playing from behind. - Art [from the article]

From the Comment Section…

Did you see the same Mizzou game I saw? The Tigers laid a beat-down on the Jayhawks, outplaying them in all phases of the game. Were it not for the Mizzou defense going into a weak prevent late in the game and the offense going somewhat conservative in the final quarter, the game wouldn’t have even been close.

The Big 12 Championship should be VERY interesting. - John Stickley

Followed by…

No. Obviously, I watched a game very different than the one you watched, since my perspective was not skewed with blind loyalty to Missouri. Kansas is a basketball school, which was my point, and was not ready for the moment. We’ll see how they do next year.

Don’t think the Big 12 Championship will be all that interesting. It’ll be within two touchdowns, I suspect [I gave the Tigers TOO MUCH credit], but I think OU is going win. You didn’t watch the Bedlam game, did you? OU finally showed up and played like Sooner fans have wanted them to do all year. This team could have been playing for the National Championship, but they are playing for a BCS bowl, which they will not get if they lose to the Tigers.

Missouri is playing a lot better than they were when they were beaten by OU for their only loss. The problem is that OU is playing a lot better also.

In case you are wondering, I’ll be rooting for the Tigers in that game. I just don’t think they will pull it out.

Sorry. - Art

Then added to…

Don’t count on OU winning by much, if at all. Mizzou is firing on all cylinders now, and I just don’t see the Tigers beating themselves like they did earlier in the year.

CHASE DANIEL FOR HEISMAN! - John Stickley

Rebutted…

They won’t have to beat themselves. OU will do it for them. - Art

Some poor soul who didn’t want their full name accredited [who could blame him?]…

You’d think with all the warnings about red dye, people would stop slurping the red koolaid.

MIZZOU 34 O-Who 24 - Mike

Another rebuttal…

If I were you, I would stop slurping the red Kool-Aid. You are clearly affected. -Art

Then Paul jumps in…

I think I saw the same game John saw. I was underwhelmed by Kansas and thought Missouri controlled that game throughout. I also agree with him that the Big XII championship game will be very close. OU played well against OSU, but it was a home game against a .500 team. - Paul Littleton [OU fan, btw]

Capped off by another party…

OU will beat Missouri, I predict. I agree with you Art, that Mizzou is going to run into a heap of trouble on Saturday. I didn’t drink any kool aid, I only graduated from there. And I love the Sooners.

Is Missouri a football school? Or a basketball school? Seems to me they are neither one :>) - Jason Kearney

Final Score:

Oklahoma 38

Missouri 17

So here goes…

I told you so. But I still love you all.

… just a thin slice - three teams and their games.

UK and KU both proved that they were truly basketball schools on Saturday. Don’t think I’m picking on them. I pulled for both of those teams to win and establish themselves. That’s good because parity is a good thing and we all love an underdog, right? Right.

Anyway, Kentucky proved that it didn’t know how to finish late in the game when, in regulation, they were first and goal on the 2 with 18 secs left and couldn’t win the game. Then, in their second overtime, they intercepted Tennessee’s pass down the sideline meaning all they had to do is score any points to win. They got overly conservative and played not to lose. They took a loss of yards on the first play from scrimmage and ended up assuming a field goal would take them home - which was promptly blocked. Not that you could see that from the end zone camera, because the angle was such that it looked like it was headed for the uprights. Even the announcers didn’t realize it was blocked. Anyway, Tennessee, a football school - though not exactly the greatest football school, still had the chops to play for the win. Which they got.

Kansas, going against a good looking Mizzou squad, also could easily have won their game. Replays of the interception at the goal line show that there were two very open Jayhawk receivers streaking in parallel to the intended receiver, but they were ignored. Instead of an interception, that could have, and should have, been a TD. On top of that, the first quarter also held not one but TWO easily makable Jayhawk field goals that were not converted. Combine those 16 points early in the game and not only would it make up the difference in the score overall, but it would have shifted the entire process of the game. Kansas isn’t the team that is pressing, but Missouri is playing from behind.

I know, I know. You’re thinking, “Wait just a cotton pickin’ minute. Shoulda, coulda, woulda, but they didn’t do any of that.” And you know what? You’re right. They didn’t.

But they couldn’t help it. They’re basketball schools. They don’t know, yet (hopeful?), how to win the big game when you just have to get the job done.

The other team that had two great things happen this weekend, followed by an almost immediate let down…

My beloved Aggies of Texas A&M first beat Texas and then had their coach resign. Both are major victories. Beating the steers of tu will always sooth - to some degree - even a very jangled season. Getting rid of a coach that invited NCAA attention because of his stupid insider newsletter to boosters, but also never had the ability to play for the win when he really needed to do so, was also a major victory.

Not having the guts to play for the win… case in point, OU fans should be able to admit that A&M should’ve beat them last year, but Bob Stoops is a man who knows how to play for the win. Fran, however, played not to lose, which is exactly what he got. Maybe he’s really a great coach for a basketball school. *sigh*

Which brings me to the let down. Rather than taking a little time, A&M immediately hired Mike Sherman. Sherman is the former Offensive Line Coach for the Aggies and currently serves as the Offensive Coordinator for the Houston Texans. At the press conference, he recited several Aggie traditions and everyone was fired up about his ties to Aggieland.

I hope that all goes well for Sherman. I am afraid, though, that he may not be what we need. I suppose, that will be seen in the coming year. Nevertheless, he’s a football coach at a football school, and that’s not all bad.