I can go no further down the road of my responsibilities without stopping to spend time in prayer and meditation.  God has been faithful to me.  I must be dependent on Him.

I find that when I am not making myself depend on Him that He is making me depend on Him.  The latter is the more painful of the two that bring me to the same place.

And all things depend on Him.  He is trustworthy.  I can only live well in this life when I conform to this truth.

I waste time when I spend it on “responsibilities” to the detriment of time in prayer and meditation on God’s Word.  When the shallow consumes the eternal, there is little hope of joy or any spiritual success.

I am best able to handle everything the more I am conformed to the image of Christ.

In all things and in all ways I must pursue the image of Christ being revealed in me.

Grace is not just the soft comfort of God loving the broken.  That is a part of Grace, but not the whole of it.  Grace is also God denying us those things that we chase that are not Him.

Grace is God pursuing us in redemption to establish that relationship with Him for which He longs and for which we were created.

But the brokenness of us is often pursuing cheap substitutes.  We crave satisfaction but are only briefly numbed by infatuation with one relationship after another, chemical distortion of drugs and alcohol, sexual exploits that mock true intimacy, money and possessions that trick us into thinking that we are valuable or important or even cared for by those around us who really just want our stuff.

But God is gracious and will, in His mercy toward us, kill that cheap thing and rip it from our clutching hands so that we will realize the shallow nature of that which we’ve worshiped.  And so that we will turn to Him and find what we really need.  What will actually satisfy and in which we will find ourselves complete.

We find Him.

I have always been moved by the love and acceptance of others.  There are many reasons why, but for now let us just say that need for approval is just the way I’m broken. It numbed me, temporarily, to the reality that I was a mess.  I felt good about myself, for a minute.

So last year I found myself in the process of having that idol crushed and torn away.  When acceptance and adoration of others is your idol, the way God kills it, at least in my case, is public contempt by others.  A year ago, I faced several public meetings where people I cared about assaulted my character, my skills and my value.

The good news is that, though some of those relationships remain wounded, others were restored and our church experienced healing, unity and peace during this year.

The best news is that in God taking from me what I should not have worshiped, He replaced it with Himself.  In that, I have found myself in the greatest time of growth and peace in my walk with Him.  I’ve never been more close to Him than I am.  I’ve never loved Him more. I’ve never been more sure of His love for me.  I’ve never needed public adulation less.

And I owe it all to the hard Grace of public ridicule.  Thank God for His Grace.

When working last week in the DFW Metroplex with Mission Arlington, I had the unexpected opportunity to observe the reputation of MA among the larger Metroplex community.

Before I tell the story of my observation, I should tell you that the leaders of MA went out of their way to coach volunteers on the handling of their reputation.  Matt Hart, one of the leaders, frequently helped us to understand the attitude with which we should engage the world around us when we performed our assigned task.  At one point, our group was asked to execute a “Free Garage Sale” at an apartment complex that was known for its residents not having many possessions – or even any furniture at all.  Matt coached us that our instinct may be to regulate how much anyone takes, trying to ensure that there may be some equity in the taking or even that some may be hoarding for reasons that we might suspect to be vaguely inappropriate.  Matt encouraged us to be generous.  No matter what anyone took, we should help them carry it to their homes and bless them on the way.

As MA would be continuing to work with these people long after we were gone, they were hoping for the reputation left by all of us to be one of gracious concern for the community, no matter who they were.

Seeing that their reputation was so carefully cultivated (and I mean that in the most positive way), it should not have surprised me, then, to find it working in our favor not long after we arrived.

On our trip down, I noticed the engine sounding as though there were a leak in the exhaust system.  By the time we got to Dallas, the leak had become problematic – meaning that the exhaust had come completely apart just after it left the engine which caused the van to run very rough under acceleration.  It sounded like a redneck pickup, and as a recent owner of a pickup, I say that with all due respect. ;)

I talked the situation over with Matt, and he handed me off to a mechanic not far from the MA facility.  This is where my observation of the MA reputation began.  The mechanic said that he did not deal with exhaust issues much, but would look into it.  He later would tell me that the exhaust was indeed in two parts and that he wouldn’t be the man for the job, but he had noticed the low mileage on the van and called a local dealer to see if the problem might be under warranty.  They thought it could be, but would have to see it before they could commit.  When I offered the first mechanic some money for diagnosing the problem, he wouldn’t take any.

Upon arriving at the dealer, I told him what was going on, that we were down from Tulsa working with Mission Arlington and needed to get the van back into action as soon as possible.  I then asked him to check if we were under warranty.  It turns out that, while we were well under on mileage, the time on our warranty had run out.  The dealer service rep then gave me directions to a muffler shop that would do a good job.  When was the last time a dealer rep helped you find his competition?  It’s never happened for me.

I took the directions to the muffler shop and told him our story thus far, including our need for the van in use with our Mission Arlington responsibilities.  He walked over to the van, listened, looked and then said, “No problem.”  He was going to fix it while I waited, but we were due at our ministry spot, so I left the van with him.

When we pulled up to the ministry responsibility less than an hour later, he called and gave me the run down:  Someone in Tulsa had tried to steal our catalytic converter, but had not gotten all the way through cutting the pipe.  Under pressure of driving, the pipe ruptured the rest of the way and was in two pieces.  He had welded it together and was charging us $20, a bare minimum for time and labor.

Each of these men was encouraging and deferential.  All of them wished us well in our efforts with Mission Arlington.

Later in the week, we went to a local Cici’s Pizza for the buffet.  It was the only time we went out for supper during the week.  When they found out that we were from MA, they knocked the price of the buffet and a drink down to a flat $5 from the $8 and change range that it normally was.  It saved us about $50.  They told us how happy they were to help us as we helped their community.

Proverbs 22:1 says: “A good name is to be chosen over great wealth; favor is better than silver and gold.”

Matthew 5:16 says: “In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.”

As I reflect on my unexpected observation of the reputation for helping the community that Mission Arlington has earned over the last 25 years, I am torn.

On the one hand I am astounded and inspired by how powerful that reputation is among so many in the Metroplex and how it elicits aid from people, some of whom were not a part of the Kingdom of God.

On the other hand, I am grieved by how non-existent that reputation is around the world where other parts of the people of God gather to worship and work.  Especially those in the part of the world where I live, work and worship.

Some things for which I am grateful:

• My family (obviously).
• Our home.
• Relatively good health in spite of my failure to take care of my body the way I should.
• The Aggies turning around their football fortunes.
• Honeybaked ham.  Seriously.  Have you had it?  It’s like meat-candy.
• My wife’s willingness to let me get a Honeybaked Ham every Thanksgiving.
• Our dogs, which are pretty lovable and behave reasonably well.
• Our church, which has seen some hard times lately, but which I love.
• That my kids still talk to me after I embarrass them, which is frequently.

Any you’d like to add?

Last night I found myself yawning while halfway through that stunning foray into modern film making that is the movie, “Twister.”

Right when it was getting “good,” I got up, turned off the TV and lights, locked the doors and went to bed.  I had begrudgingly remembered the lesson I learned in Seminary (not in class, that would have been too practical) that sometimes Spiritual Disciplines are as much about what you don’t do as they are about what you do – the routines you practice seeking Spiritual growth.

More succinctly put, being well rested allows a fresh mind and body to pursue God.  Sometimes that means going to bed instead of staying up and watching TV, reading, playing games, cruising Main Street…  you get the idea.

This is against my nature, and I mean more than just my “sin nature.”  I’m a night owl.  I like to stay up as late as is humanly possible and then meander off to bed in a fog of semi-consciousness.

Then the pesky alarm goes off and I have to wake up and start the day.  For me, after showering and dressing, I go through my devotion time.

But I do poorly, if I’ve stayed up late.  I labor to focus and persist in prayer less.  Then I struggle through the day, buoyed by neither a good night’s rest nor a significant time with God.

One other thing that derails me:  Being on the computer when it’s time to start my devotion.

Gotta go.

Yesterday, I wrote an article on forgiving others that was spurred by a conversation with a good friend.  The conclusion of that article suggested that it is simply more relaxing and enjoyable for you to forgive than to do anything else.

This conclusion, though, begs the question, “When I forgive, does everything go back to the way it was?”

The answer is, “No. Never. Never in a million years.”  But more on that in a moment.

We first must differentiate between forgiving and reconciling, which is fairly easy to do.

To Forgive is something you can do with or without the offending party’s participation.  Forgiveness is completely within your grasp.  Nothing but you can stop you from forgiving.

To Reconcile is something that you both must do.  It is the restoration of love, trust and friendship.  To reconcile you must be able to accept your failures, their failures and whatever offenses have been (usually this goes both ways) have got to be made right.  Either you or they make reparations for the offense(s) or they are intentionally forgiven by the offended party.

To reconcile, both parties must be mutually satisfied with the restoration.

Which brings us back to the question of whether or not things go back to the way they were, and my answer: No. Never. Never in a million years.

Whether or not you simply choose to forgive or are able to reconcile, you are never the same.

Forgiving instead of reconciling implies the offender hasn’t made things right, which means they haven’t earned back our trust.  That relationship is never the same.

I have numerous relationships with people that I have forgiven, that are congenial and friendly, but I don’t trust them anymore.  I give us all the gift of forgiveness so that things aren’t tense or mean spirited.  That doesn’t mean that I am open to being taken advantage of repeatedly.

When you reconcile, on the other hand, things are never the same again either… they’re better.  Like the schoolyard fight between children, we can shake hands and become best friends afterward.  It takes us to a new level that is not possible without us both being honest, accepting our responsibilities and doing whatever we can to make right what we’ve done wrong.

Just by the way, Jesus (and the rest of the Bible) encourages reconciliation.  Forgiveness is the second best option and only when the other person won’t participate.

I suppose that the key to being able to forgive just might lie in the ability of the wounded party to understand what pardon brings to them.

It’s human nature to nurse a grudge and it just feels good.  For a while.  I always enjoy that (self)righteous feeling of the moral high ground.  Too bad, I suppose, that it’s just an illusion.

No matter how innocent I am within the dynamics of any particular situation, the truth is that I am just as capable… just as guilty… of taking advantage.  Twisting the truth.  Improving my own situation at the expense of others.

There is no moral high ground within humanity.  We are all quite wicked.

Still, this is not the most important mental gateway to forgiveness.  Rather, that would be the realization that failing to absolve another only enslaves you.  For the most part, the object of your wrath will be ignorant of your opinion, but even if they are not, they are most capable of creating their own Moral Mountain on which to stand, matching your viewpoint with an equal opposite.

And yet, even that pales in comparison to the impact dispensing clemency has on you.  It is liberating.

A grievance is a burden.  Feels great for a while, but after that brief moment of self delusion wherein you have some sort of unassailable virtue, your rancor begins to exhaust you.

Every time you see your offender, you are right back in the prison of a self generated unpleasant mood.  Every time you think about them, you are oppressed by this obligation to anger.

And you don’t have to bear it.  It is completely up to you whether or not you continue in your animosity.

Only don’t suppose that I suffer from the misconception that mercy is an easy thing to dispense.  Just because it’s good for you, doesn’t mean we like it.  Still, it is medicine for the soul, no matter how difficult it is to swallow.

To sum up:  Let it go.  It’s exhausting to play “King of Moral Mountain” and it’s a comfort to be happy instead, so do it because it makes your own life better, not to mention that it improves the lives of those around you – maybe even your nemesis.

I drove home from Church Sunday after worshiping together with the Skelly Drive family for the first time in two weeks.  A blizzard had hit and knocked us out of our Christmas Eve service and later the Sunday morning service on the 27th.  The latter service being canceled kept everyone from being together, though our family had crept out of town on snow and ice covered roads to go with family to ski in New Mexico.

The crowd was down and I imagine that it had to do with people traveling and the fact that our roads were still a bit sketchy and we had another small bout of snow the night before.  It was good to be with my church family.

Still, as I drove home the powdered snow moved like vapor down the road before me and the city had a desolate look about it.  The dregs of the blizzard had been shoved to the side of the streets, building 2 foot high curbs of crusty slush now gray with dirt and exhaust and very few were out and about.

As I drove, I was mesmerized by the ebb and flow of the snow dust that swirled on the road before me, being chased by the wind that came from behind, it created a surreal vision.

There are so many things that are swirling through our church and my life right now, that the scene before me took on a deeper representation for me.

Curious to few, then, that I had felt led to preach on Matthew 11:25-30 just a few moments previous.  God’s like that.  Knows what you need before you have the slightest idea.

The Scripture?  You might recognize the closing words:

Come to Me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. All of you, take up My yoke and learn from Me, because I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for yourselves. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.

I still feel a bit overwhelmed by it all, but I am so grateful that the success of all that swirls around me is not dependent on me, but upon the One Who Is Author of all things, simple and complex.

More to come soon…

Has it really been 2 1/2 weeks since I last posted? And that just a video link?

Hmm…

Well, I haven’t lost my passion for writing.  Far from it.  I really miss it.

But I have been consumed with a fascinating task – that of leading my church through a major transition.

I plan on blogging this as well – particularly the specifics of the form to which we aspire – since I think it will be relevant for the majority of those who still drop in on this blog.

The transition?  From a Sunday School/Program primary structure to a Small Group/Corporate Worship primary structure.  Which is to say that we will still have some Sunday School and some programs, but they will be secondary in the self perception, intentionality and processes of who we are.  We are looking to change our DNA.

This is opposed, you might surmise, to simply adding Small Groups as yet another program to the church in hopes that this program will be the one that revitalizes a flailing church.

Well, again, I’m going to blogging about that in the future, and it is my great passion to do so, but I haven’t had the time.  My energies have been dissipated in the various tasks involved in actually doing that thing.

PS – You could pray for us.  It is difficult to accomplish such a change and we are laboring to do a great work.  Thanks!

I’m in the San Francisco airport and I’m noticing so many different attitudes – in those around us and (most disturbingly) in myself.

While moving through security, a man wanted past one of our teens and cursed them under his breath as he went by.  This may have happened in Vietnam, but mostly everyone just made their way through and around everyone else.  Jimmy overheard the guy and asked him, “Kinda grumpy arencha?”  The man never paused or turned.

The flip side is the selfishness that I’ve found myself experiencing.  We’ve got a really bad layout for our flight schedule.  Our travel agent is based in Dallas/Ft. Worth and so she routed us through there, even though we asked to be routed through Denver (direct flights to Tulsa) which would have dropped a leg off our journey, presumably saving us money and TIME.

While in Vietnam, I was frequently asked to adjust schedules and do things to accomodate others and it was no problem.  My mindset was that I was there to serve and I was happy to do so.

Now I’m in San Francisco and the desire to serve has been replaced by the desire to be served.  My aggravation over the travel plans is cumbersome.

It’s not that I should accept the situation passively and without question.  We hired her to do a job and she didn’t do it as well as she could have, so we are going to look elsewhere for better performance.  That’s not wrong.

My consternation with my own attitude stems from the reality that I sense a sinful and selfish attitude within.  There’s a difference in wanting more for my money and having some sense of entitlement that reveals my wicked heart.

How is it that I can turn off and on the desire to serve?  What makes me think that there are times to serve and times when I am to be served?  I’m grateful that Jesus did not demand to be served at all times He was worthy of it, but yielded His rights and poured Himself out as a servant.  From His service to the Father, I am redeemed.

I have such a long way to go.