I suppose that the key to being able to forgive just might lie in the ability of the wounded party to understand what pardon brings to them.
It’s human nature to nurse a grudge and it just feels good. For a while. I always enjoy that (self)righteous feeling of the moral high ground. Too bad, I suppose, that it’s just an illusion.
No matter how innocent I am within the dynamics of any particular situation, the truth is that I am just as capable… just as guilty… of taking advantage. Twisting the truth. Improving my own situation at the expense of others.
There is no moral high ground within humanity. We are all quite wicked.
Still, this is not the most important mental gateway to forgiveness. Rather, that would be the realization that failing to absolve another only enslaves you. For the most part, the object of your wrath will be ignorant of your opinion, but even if they are not, they are most capable of creating their own Moral Mountain on which to stand, matching your viewpoint with an equal opposite.
And yet, even that pales in comparison to the impact dispensing clemency has on you. It is liberating.
A grievance is a burden. Feels great for a while, but after that brief moment of self delusion wherein you have some sort of unassailable virtue, your rancor begins to exhaust you.
Every time you see your offender, you are right back in the prison of a self generated unpleasant mood. Every time you think about them, you are oppressed by this obligation to anger.
And you don’t have to bear it. It is completely up to you whether or not you continue in your animosity.
Only don’t suppose that I suffer from the misconception that mercy is an easy thing to dispense. Just because it’s good for you, doesn’t mean we like it. Still, it is medicine for the soul, no matter how difficult it is to swallow.
To sum up: Let it go. It’s exhausting to play “King of Moral Mountain” and it’s a comfort to be happy instead, so do it because it makes your own life better, not to mention that it improves the lives of those around you – maybe even your nemesis.
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Marty Duren
on Feb 12th, 2010
@ 12:41 pm:
I thought I had posted this last night, but alas.
I’m certain that many cultures have similar proverbs, but a Rwandan one goes like this: “Bitterness is like drinking poison hoping that it kills your enemy.” A person who lives with unforgiveness fosters bitterness, usually unwittingly. Likely this is why we are commanded to forgive and warned against becoming bitter.