Some of you know that I’ve taken up cycling as a way to exercise without the pounding running puts on the fragile, battle worn hinges I call knees.  This is not to mention the mistreatment suffered by the ankles and lower back or even the hips.

None of these parts of my body like me anymore and for good reason.  I abused them for over a decade, forcing them to labor under brutal conditions by carrying an extra hhhrrrmrmmmggghhh pounds.  Did I mention that this was for over a decade? Yes?  Just didn’t want you to miss that part.

I started with an entry level bike for several months and really took to it even after a painful wreck that further molested my left knee and introduced my right shoulder to the pattern of exploitation.  That sidelined me for about 4 months, but I got back on the bike.  Just like Lance, but slower, fatter and with a much less expensive and not nearly as cool looking bike.  Helmet.  Clothes.

Although it should be noted that, though my clothes are not as cool nor as expensive as Lance’s,  I no longer look like a badly misshapen sausage when wearing the traditional cycling lycra.  Just slightly lumpy, which is a huge improvement.

As these things go, I got better at cycling and wanted, yea, NEEDED more.

So I bought my first road bike, a Trek 1.5, which was on an awesome sale during the Tour de France, and began riding it during the weekends and turned my “old” bike into a commuter bike and ride it to the office and home every day.

Can I just tell you now… that I am good (for a beginner).  (For a novice) I am awesome.

I routinely blow by old men and most women.  Teenagers on BMX bikes stand no chance.

And you.

Unless you are a cyclist and do this regularly, I’ll drop you.  (That’s cyclist lingo for when you leave somebody and they can’t keep up.)

But, if you are a real live cyclist, I’m fodder for stories when you get home:  “Did you see that guy with the new bike rolling past those senior adults like he knew what he was doing, and then we blew him out!  What an amateur!”

That’s me.  I’m that guy.

Well, it’s going pretty well and I’m working my way up to riding a century (that’s cyclist lingo for 100 miles all in one ride).  Right now, 4 weeks after getting the road bike, I ride 35 miles at a time without collapsing, which I think is pretty awesome.

I was thinking it would be Spring before I could do my first century, but there is a big ride coming at the end of September that is – guess what? – a century.

I might try it.  I mean, the real cyclists need somebody to beat, right?  That could be me.

Besides, there might be an old man who wants to ride it and I could run away from him…

Hey, it could happen.

Or you could come out.

Then, I’ll drop you.

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• September 8, 2009 -- Partnering with the Unholy (2)
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Tags: cycling, funny