Author: art rogers
Broken…
Sunday, March 11th, 2007 @ 2:36 pm
Or, “The blithering idiot.” Either are accurate.
I had no intentions of blogging today - in any capacity. I left the laptop at the church and was just going to disconnect. It was a long, hard week last week. It was a great “Week of Renewal,” but early mornings, late nights and lots of responsibilities come with such weeks. Kind of like taking teenagers to camp. Great things happen, but your bed is a nice end to the week.
I woke first this morning. When the alarm went off, I thought it was a mistake. I moved the clock up, but I didn’t “Spring Forward,” if you know what I mean. It was still dark and the radio, despite playing an inspirational song, just irritated me. On top of that, my family was sleepy, too. None of us were ready to meet the day.
Arriving at church, we hustled to Sunday School and I went over my sermon. It was a testimonial about what God had taught me the week past. We are having a “Share Service” tonight.
When I got to the service, there were a million things that seemed to distract. I had someone come and complain about something that happened - I won’t say what it is, but you know. They are good people and they had a legitimate word, but it is so distracting.
I was late to the stage to pray. I was just so distracted that I almost missed it.
Just before the sermon, a young lady in my church got up to sing, “In Christ Alone.” As soon as she began to sing, I began to weep. As the song progressed, it got worse. I first thought that I would be able to pull it together to preach, but it kept getting worse.
By the time she was done, I was crying heavily. Not the ugly cry - yet. You know the ugly cry, right? The kind where you just lose control? Yeah.
Well, I walked unsteadily up the stairs to the pulpit, shaken. In that moment, from the beginning of that song, I was broken. God graced me with a glimpse of my worthlessness and His sufficiency.
As I began to speak, I choked on my words. I grabbed the sides of the pulpit and held on. I asked that we pray. I have no idea at this moment what I prayed. I just know I lost it. Tears pouring, nose running and voice squeaking. Ugly.
At the end of this prayer, I went on to preach the sermon, but we may have been better off calling everyone to the altar right then. I don’t know. I am glad that I am not required to be perfect.
I don’t write this today to hold myself up as a self righteous person. Just the opposite. Today, God showed me clearly that I was anything but that. I am a worm. Dirt. Filthy and foolish.
Over the last year and the last two days, I have pushed back and forth with my brothers and sisters in a way that just doesn’t always feel good before the Lord. Not that I disavow my concerns or beliefs. I still feel quite strongly about all the things I felt strongly about yesterday.
I do feel broken hearted about the way I have treated others. I have seen bitterness, false accusations and character assault fly and, in some occasions, I have participated. Regular readers will know that I really struggle to keep things on an even keel on this blog. Still, I have said some things in anger and mean spirit. After this morning, all my negative feelings seemed to be dissolved. I don’t know. I just wasn’t mad anymore.
I’m sorry.
The SBC is important to me, and I’ll keep talking about it. However, if I’ve been hurtful to you, I want you to know I humbly apologize.
I pray God’s richest blessings on all who read this - no matter what their convictions about the convention, how to do church or whatever else is making the rounds.
I am leaving the comment section open if you want to respond. I am tempted to close it on this one. I only ask that you not laud me in any way. I don’t deserve it and this is not for that. You have no obligation to respond, either. If you think this post false in any way, I am sorry.
My prayer is that God will draw us together. Truly, we are not as far apart as we all seem to make ourselves.
My commitment is that I will try to watch my words and motives carefully.
Blessings.
Art
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March 11th, 2007 at 2:45 pm
Art,
As one who has consistently disagreed with you for the better part of fourteen months, and at the risk of “lauding” you, let me just say that I appreciate the character you have displayed, and which you continue to display.
All of us who have participated in these debates have said things we wish we had not said, and the fact that you recognize this makes you nothing more or less than human. I, too, am pained when I realize I have crossed the line, as I was recently when I removed a post. You have always shown an even hand in this venue, and I expect that will continue.
Thanks for sharing this today.
March 11th, 2007 at 3:10 pm
Art,
I’m not surprised at all at your confession. It is not because of anything I’ve seen in you or heard you say or that I read in what you’ve written. It is simply because, after several days of being with you in the work of ministry, what I HAVE seen in you is a deep understanding of God’s Grace and just as deep an awareness of our sin and weakness as fallen humanity. Your love for the Lord is the only thing that exceeds your honesty about yourself.
This is NOT in any way an attempt to alleviate the pain of what you see in yourself, but to acknowlege my confidence that, when God is finished with what He’s saying to you, you will have faced it and learned it. May I learn from your open example is my prayer.
March 11th, 2007 at 3:10 pm
You ain’t heavy, you’re my brother and so is Wes.
cb
March 11th, 2007 at 3:26 pm
Art,
I appreciate your heart. I’ve never thought of you as being combative. You are passionate. Don’t change unless God tells you to change.
I think God wants us broken. You know I’ve been broken too. As Blackaby says, “God doesn’t want people who are committed to Him, He wants people who are submitted to Him.
U R da Man!
March 11th, 2007 at 3:41 pm
Art,
This may sound strange coming from me, but I applaud your humility. While I might disagree with how you articulate some of your words, we need more ministers in Oklahoma who are broken and submitted to the Lordship of Christ.
God’s blessings,
Jonathan
March 11th, 2007 at 4:25 pm
Perhaps it is that, when we bear others’ burdens, it does affect is where we really live. And aren’t we supposed to do that?
We listen and “amen” songs like “Broken and Spilled Out”, but somehow secretly hope it’s some etheral experience, and not ugly. Plus, quoting David here: “I will not give unto the Lord, that which cost me nothing”.
You’ve been giving, Art. You’re one of the blessed ones, in that.
March 11th, 2007 at 4:41 pm
art,
amen. those times of refreshing from the Lord are truly special, and they are welcome. God bless you, bro. i would have loved to have heard the sermon this morning.
david
March 11th, 2007 at 8:24 pm
Art, when you first entered this “area of ministry,” I remember thinking, “This guy isn’t going to make it in the real world of SBC. He is too kindhearted and too generous in his assessments. He has no idea.” You have lasted, with strength and grace for a very long time before your first meltdown. It is, IMHO, caused by seeing clearly how some religious leaders can behave and still feel justified. You may behave badly on rare occasion but the difference is you don’t feel that you have the right to do so and that you regret and repent. The words and actions of some who are supposed to represent the Lord Jesus Christ send a different message than you and most of your e-buddies. That is easy to detect when one has observed this rukus for almost 30 years as I have. Just in the last few days, the tone on other blogs reminds me of the hissing, snarley, hateful retoric and behavior of the early days that has come to be the norm in some circles. Don’t let them draw you into their web. Stay strong and determined to help save the SBC. Rest and recoup and regroup. You do a good thing.
March 11th, 2007 at 8:44 pm
Brother Art,
It is in our broken moments that we learn the most from God. Remember, it is not our ministry but His calling.
March 11th, 2007 at 8:44 pm
Brother Art,
As I was getting ready to go to bed, I checked the blogs. Your blog has spoken to me in a marvelous way. Blessings, My Brother.
Thank you for your courage, but most of all for your desire to seek truth.
Blessings,
Tim
March 11th, 2007 at 9:02 pm
Wow, this is powerful. Today we had a man who attended our early “beyond contemporary” service who will be dead in the next few months via Aids. As I wathced this man wrestle with God during the sermon and invitation and then in a discussion with him after, I saw a man who represented the world that we are called and challanged to share Jesus with. I watched as older adults who knew this man was sick and dying, knowing the disease etc, as they hugged him and reached out to him with no fear and with total love. It literally shoock me.
God said to me in a still calm voice - this is the ministry - true and real. I went to my office and broke. It was all I could do to preach the second service. Sounds like God was working today with us preachers. May God break us all - including more in me.
Great post to end the day on! Thank you!
March 11th, 2007 at 9:12 pm
Art:
In my opinion, you’ve set a good example for others who are blogging these days–not to laud you or anything. If I can contact you about reaching out to new residents in your area, and you follow-through immediately just to love those folks (as you did last week), that says a lot about who you really are and what God is doing/through you right now. Feel good about that, OK?–It’s a praise-worthy thing.
It’s a fine line: being prophetic (the biblical prophets never apologized for being biblical prophets) and being contrary (none of us get away with this before the Lord). Be prophetic for the rest of us; be non-contrary for you.
Get some rest, brother. On our best days, the battle is the Lord’s anyway. Exodus 14:14
March 11th, 2007 at 9:22 pm
Art -
I would be honored if you would grant me permission to reproduce your words in my e-newsletter, LifeWay@Heart. I know you do not desire to bring attention to yourself, but these words bring glory to God. Old guys like me can learn from the heart of people like you. Thanks for considering my request.
March 11th, 2007 at 10:34 pm
You don’t do anything halfway, do you? This is awesome.
March 11th, 2007 at 10:37 pm
I left the laptop at the office tonight and after finishing homework with my son at 11:00 pm checked my email on my treo. What are all you people doing on Sunday?
Also, some of you don’t follow directions well.
Thanks for the encouragement. I am blessed to know that God is at work in so many others as well. Tim G, your story is compelling to me.
I feel that I should clarify how all of this relates to blogging. My reaction here is the fruit of God’s convicting work on my life. Blogging is not the root of what happened to me. I was not thinking of this stuff when God broke me today.
Rather, all I could think about was His Sufficiency and my unworthiness. As a result of this overwhelming perspective, I have addressed several areas of my life and this is one of them.
Thanks, again, for the encouragement. I pray God’s blessings on you.
March 12th, 2007 at 12:21 am
Art, I like you.
May God pour out His Spirit on all our pastors everywhere. May we all pray for each other–especially when we disagree. I have prayed down more blessings on folks I’ve watched and read who are less than kind on these blogs. I truly believe the greatest blessings are found in the midst of our brokeness and sorrow. May we all be broken till we are crying in a very ugly way. It’s in that brokeness we are truly cleansed. And then God picks up the pieces of our brokeness and throws them in the darkest deepest seas. And amazingly, I cannot understand this, but all that is left behind is Jesus and Him crucified living within us. And all the pieces that held us together are no longer needed or desired. Thanks so much for sharing your heart. You’ve blessed me. selahV
March 12th, 2007 at 8:22 am
and spilled out.
March 12th, 2007 at 8:40 am
thanks for reminding us of our depravity
I wish I lived close enough to you to hang out with you
anyone who will be broken by God makes a good friend in this life, and the next
Cyle
March 12th, 2007 at 3:34 pm
Art, I am a casual reader of your blog but had to comment on this post. I think the brokenness you displayed is needed among our church leaders and I’m encouraged to see a heart that responds to the movement of the Lord.
However, there was one sentence that compelled me to post. You stated, “I am a worm. Dirt. Filthy and foolish.” I’m not sure I’ve read a more unbiblical phrase on this blog, or any other, ever. You are a holy and righteous saint. You are a co-heir with Christ. You have the mind of Christ. You are perfect (Heb. 10:14). I could go on but you get the point.
Now, granted, you (or I) don’t always act this way but to say we are less is to throw Christ’s sacrifice back into the face of God. We didn’t do anything to earn all those things. Christ made us that way when we accepted His gift of salvation. To put it another way, what we do is not who we are but who we are has a tremendous impact on what we do.
As a final word of encouragement, the man who mentored me told me to never trust a man who doesn’t walk with a limp. I believe the Lord is giving you a “limp” through this process.
March 12th, 2007 at 3:42 pm
John,
Thanks for the encouragement. I want to say though, the person you describe, “You are a holy and righteous saint. You are a co-heir with Christ. You have the mind of Christ. You are perfect (Heb. 10:14),” is who I am in Christ. That is what overwhelmed me - what Christ has done in and to me, though I don’t deserve it.
A point of honesty, I do believe with all my heart that the sentence that you quoted is extremely Biblical. Mankind is twisted and broken in and of ourselves - apart from Christ. I think it is extremely Biblical.
I am afraid that I did not make clear the separation between the description of who I am apart from Christ and who I am in Christ. It was the perspective between the two that broke me.
I hope that helps.
Art
March 13th, 2007 at 8:33 am
Art, I completely agree that apart from Christ a person is “twisted and broken”. However, I don’t believe there is a distinction, as a believer, between who I am apart from Christ and who I am in Christ. I am in Christ and have His righteousness now.
However, if you are thinking about your B.C. days and what the Lord has done in your life since, then I’m completely on board. Sometimes it takes this Kentucky boy a little while to catch on.
March 13th, 2007 at 11:35 am
Art, Not even sure how to post. Do not want to laud you per your request, but thanks again for the wakeup call to brokenness. It is amazing how quickly I can get busy and distracted and need the reminder that apart from Christ I am nothing. Even from several hundred miles and a couple of states away, you still speak into my heart.
March 15th, 2007 at 7:44 am
I placed your site in my favorites recently. However, I just read your account of your recent brokeness experience in Thom Rainer’s email. I appreciate your transparency and honesty in relating how we get so busy doing and how God brings us back to what’s really important. In times as this I’m blantantly reminded of Gal. 2:20. It IS all about HIm and our obedience to him and just how much he loves us. God bless and thanks again for your openness. Gary Cardwell
April 6th, 2007 at 10:19 pm
Thank you. From a Trinitarian Presbyterian. Lord Jesus continue to bless you and humble me.
Sorry. Don’t know what “5585 (required)” means.
April 20th, 2007 at 11:05 pm
Art –
Let’s remember that the SBC isn;t everything, but it’s worth fighting for. People who want the SBC to be some kind of completely-uniform code of morals paired with a specific escatology are worth opposing, but not at the cost of our own integrity.
If you have sinned against your brother, go and make it right with him. But don’t forget that we serve a God who sets the captives free.
April 21st, 2007 at 9:31 am
Frank… Cent…, Hey. Frankincense. Sorry.
I am all for fighting for the SBC. It is what I have done and what I am doing.
I don’t know that I could have sinned against any one person in particular and my apology wasn’t toward a single person. It was more about who I was becoming and the attitude I had.
Moreover, my experience was not really anything to do with the SBC. In that moment, I was just overwhelmed with the realization of God’s Sufficiency and my weakness, my wickedness and His graciousness. The attitude over the SBC was just one place that the experience of “seeing God” set me right. It just so happens that, since I blog here about the SBC, when this are was corrected, it is here that I addressed it. I also have dealt with other things in my life as a result of this moment in my walk with God. I just didn’t blog about them all.
Thanks for the encouragement.