12 Witnesses

The Washington Post, in September of this year, published the findings of a report by the National Center for Health Statistics. In this report, we find that half of all teenagers in America have experienced Oral Sex. Jennifer Manlove (no kidding - that’s her name) describes a surprise at finding that girls receive as much as they give. I too have heard, on Oprah’s near infamous teen sex show, that it was girls performing and guys receiving, but apparently the numbers are pretty close on mutual roles.

I have heard it said, but could not find any ready evidence on the web to which I might refer you, that “Christian” teens are having more and more oral sex because they have made commitments to “wait until marriage.” The root of this view is that oral sex is not considered to be “sex” by most teens. We know that to be true of teens throughout america and I reference you to Bonnie Halpern-Felsher, published in the journal “Pediatrics,” where she states that they do not believe oral sex to be sex.

And where does all this come from? Bill Clinton, of course. Ok, so more than just him, but few serious minded individuals can deny that Bill claiming that what Monica Lewinski did to him in the Oval Office was “not sex” has had an impact on the generations that have followed.

It honestly scares me to think that so many teenagers are engaging in such risky behavior because they think that it has no long term baggage. I knew a “Christian” guy in college that had anal sex with his girlfriend because they wanted to hold out against actually having sex. I know. It boggles the mind, right?

So up to now I have just been kind of rambling about the state of things in general, but I would like to make a few statements here that can be fodder for your musings.

First of all the church has completely shredded the issue by saying the general line, “Save it until marriage.” Of course, we want them to wait, but why? When up against hormones and culture, some vague thought that this might not be completely right is not going to stop anyone. We furthered our failure when, in the name of modesty, we then abdicated any sense of explaining what was actually going on and went straight to the negative consequences that are potential for those engaging in sexual activity. What a bunch of crap! No teen should be expected to hold out because you say they should and that if they don’t, bad things could happen.

I think they just need someone to talk to them honestly about the situation. That means we are going to have to get in there, start using some vernacular and be honest about what they might feel when having sex. Moreover, we have to explain why God would want them to wait until marriage. So maybe something like this:

Ok, so I am going to be honest here and tell you that sex, in general, feels really good. However, you can’t just give someone oral sex and think that there will be no strings attached to that act. Yeah, there are possible, although not necessarily likely, consequences like herpes on your lips that is a life long problem, but that’s not all. The fact is that when you orgasm, endorphans are released in your brain and the feeling is really intense. What happens there is that your brain locks what is going on and who you are doing that with into your memory and links it with that intense feeling. Some evidence of that is the common knowledge that most people have specific memories that are very significant about their “first time.”

Many Serial Killers, such as Ted Bundy, admit that they ritually masturbated to pornographic images - often violent sexual images. This, along with other things, led to them becoming very strongly attached to feelings of sexual violence toward women and their inability to view women as real people. They associated their victims with the inanimate images of the porn to which they had addicted themselves.

Combat veterans experience similarly strong feelings for the same reason, but from a different cause. In battle, the same endorphans are released and the memory that is logged is one of intense battle and the fear and anxiety they felt at that time. We call this “post traumatic stress disorder.” Back before we had that fancy name, WWII veterans called it “Shell Shock.” That’s why when a car backfires, a veteran may feel pangs of stress and may even “lose it” for a brief time, because they relive the experience in a very intense way.

With sex, God intended you to relive those very pleasurable experiences with one person and that you would kind of “become addicted” to your lover - your spouse. When America experienced the sexual revolution, divorce rates began to slowly climb and are now rapidly breaking homes throughout our country. As people become more and more promiscuous, less and less marriages survive. Many of you are children of divorced parents. Now I am not accusing your parents of screwing around before or after they met each other, but some may have. Beyond that, our culture has been so influenced by the willingness to get divorced, your parents may have been as pure as the driven snow, but they were influenced by our nation’s, and even our world’s, lack of being bound to one another by sex the way God intended.

We spread our sexual experiences around and as a result, the addiction we get is to getting laid, and not an addiction to our spouse. Think how your home might have been different if your parents had a deeper and more intense loving relationship. Well, think about the results of their bond to one another - not the actual “loving relationship” part. That’s just a little too gross. Think how you want your home to be in a few years. Do you want to “be addicted” to the person you marry? That could easily happen for you, but you have to follow the plan that God laid out for you by keeping all things sexual just for them.

And the thing about waiting is that there are a whole lot of engagements that get broken. Just because you both want to get married and are planning the wedding, doesn’t mean it will come off as planned. This is just a practical thing in our society. Don’t give away what you can’t afford to spread around until your mate and yourself are officially married. Then you know that if you want to back out before the vows, you can do just that and know that you can marry someone else without the sexual baggage. After you’re married, you no longer have the fear that something will go wrong and that you can’t take back what you have given away.

That’s just a primer for sexuality in general. We also need to talk about how any sexual contact is still sex and that those bonds are formed in every sexual situation. Whatever we do, we need to do something different than what we have done, because we are losing the battle.

Now here is a fine young man. You can tell by looking at him that he comes from a fine home with lots of love and care from a Mom and Dad who prize him. He is probably the only child and the center of their world. If we have a problem with him in Youth Group, it will be because he is spoiled by all that comes so easy for him. What can I say? We are hoping that the fact that he and his family attend church on Sunday mornings will be enough to make a difference, but really, he is not going to be an ax murderer or anything. He is destined to see and do great things in his life. His parents are sending him to the best schools because they have great jobs and can afford to do so. We believe that the heritage of his life is bound to be rich, if not spiritually, then at least he will have money, status and will attend and give to the church - which is what really counts, isn’t it?

The truth is that this young man appeared when I googled images of “Kenya.” I don’t know anything else about him other than what the statistics can tell me. Statistics say that one or both of his parents have AIDS or have already died from complications of AIDS. Because he is as old as he is, he may soon get AIDS himself. His body shows that food is scarce, even though he is dressed well for someone of his region. Moreover, if he attends school, it is probably underfunded and the heritage of his life will be that someone took his picture once and put it on the internet.

Mostly, though, statistics say that he probably has no idea that God loves him, wants to spend eternity with him and has made a way for that to happen. If he believes in one god, his idea of God most likely is that he has to be good enough for God to accept him. Heprobably doesn’t think it is possible, unless he is one of the recent converts to radical Islam. If he is a new believer in the radical Islamic movement that is taking rapid hold in Africa, then he believes that if he dies in the Jihad against the “infidels” then he will go straight to Paradise.

And here we sit. Most of us are not even willing to cross the street to share the good news of God’s love, much less put ourselves in harm’s way in Kenya, just to tell this boy something that he probably would reject anyway.

Well, not everyone. Kudos to my friend Stacie who is on her way to Kenya to share the good news. She leaves in a few weeks and her excitement makes me excited. She sees hurt and hurts. She sees need and meets it. She sees lost and proclaims with great joy, “I know the way!”

So I was browsing some sports blogs today and found this picture and a note about the Phillies having a “Gay Day” at the old ballpark. The blogger completely annihilates these two holding the sign, all Christians in general and radical Christians in particular in response to their protest.

At this point you may think I am about to defend our brothers and sisters in Christ and their right to free speech. Sorry.

The bashing I want to talk about is not the bashing that we received at the hands of blog hosts and commentors, but the bashing we are constantly giving to people who live differently than we do - in the name of evangelism.

I am not saying that homosexuality is cool with God. I am asking, however, “have you ever seen a homosexual praying to receive Christ with a person holding a ‘God hates fags’ type of sign at a Gay Pride parade?” No. And you never will, either. Everyone is a sinner. Homosexuality falls into the broad category that we call sexual sin, which is made up of everyone having sex outside of marriage. It distances you from God absolutely in the same way a lie, gossip, drunkenness, murder or petty theft does. It is overcome by the same amount of grace that all of these others are. So, what is the purpose of being there and doing that? Who are you trying to convince?

It’s not about convincing anybody of anything. The REAL purpose of this kind of protest is to publicly oppose the gay rights movement and to make sure people know that we disagree. Well, I have news for everyone in the Christian community: They all know.

This kind of stuff make us look stupid. If you don’t believe me, check out what a few lost souls, who are not gay, said in response to this picture. (Warning! Foul language in this link.)

My point here is that opposing gay rights in America is not our mission. Bringing people - all kinds of sinners - into a relationship with God is His mission and if we are his followers, then that is our mission, too. I mean, yeah, I don’t want to promote homosexuality as a “normal” lifestyle for my kids, but abusing gays publicly subverts THE MISSION to the personal comfort zone’s mission. Well, Jesus never promised that I would be comfortable. In fact, and we all know this, we are called to lay down everything for Him.

Quit trying to bend the world to your comfort. Quit trying to control the behavior of people who don’t know God and PLEASE quit expecting them to act as if they care what we want from them. They don’t care what we say because they think that all we want is them to conform to their way of thinking. I wouldn’t want to hear you beat me up for not being like you either.

Just answer me this: “Don’t you think you will have a better opportunity to lead someone to Christ with this sign?”

I know many of you will think I am saying that homosexuality is OK with God, or that my suggestion here will be the practical equivalent of such, so let me say again that I am not saying that to anyone. I will say, though, that even if the homosexual community does mistake this message for such, they already believe that they are alright with God. You won’t be condemning them to hell, I assure you. They already are on that path and their sexuality is just a small part of the whole deal. Besides, isn’t God big enough to make sure they get what you are saying?

Of course, this only makes sense if you are willing to admit that this is not related to evangelism at all, but is social engineering at its core. Are you willing?

I promise not to pull punches. I promise that everything worth saying, if it comes to my mind, will be said. I promise that everything you post in response will be posted and left - as long as there is no foul language or vicious spirits involved.